Knowing
by Risknight
Summary: Just a short little thing brought on by a song on the radio. What Sheldon and Penny could possibly see in each other. Maybe OOC/AU Not really sure how to describe it.


**Just a small thing that popped in my head while listening to the radio. The lyrics are Kelly Clarkson's Because Of You. I don't own it, or The Big Bang Theory. Actually. I don't own much of anything, except two kids destined to either rule or destroy the world. I'll have to get back to you on which it is. **

**But don't get your hope up. They wouldn't be benevolent rulers.  
**

* * *

_**I will not make the same mistakes that you did. I will not let myself**_

_**Cause my heart so much misery. I will not break the way you did,**_

_**You fell so hard. I've learned the hard way**_

_**To never let it get that far.  
**_

She had known from an early age that her mom was not happy. She felt trapped. She had grand dreams that she put on hold for love. A love that had soured over the years as she watched those dreams fade into nothing. She had watched her mom struggle against her life every day. She had watched her drink away her frustrations every night. She had learned the hard way not to fall into that trap called love. If she never loved, she was never caged.

Even as a child he had not understood why she let that man stay. Why did she always allow that man to come home. She let him yell, she let him scream, she let him in. She loved that man, and he could not understand why she did. Why did she let that man tear her down, break her heart? He swore he would never need anyone so much he would let them cause him so much pain.

_**I lose my way And it's not too long before you point it out**_

_**I cannot cry Because I know that's weakness in your eyes**_

_**I'm forced to fake A smile, a laugh everyday of my life**_

_**My heart can't possibly break When it wasn't even whole to start with**_

She smiled. She laughed. She was good at perky. She could do bubbly. It was easy. She was an actress. She had always been an actress, ever since puberty. It was simpler to laugh and smile than to cry and weep. Smiling lips never got criticized. Laughter was never looked at too closely. So, she hid behind a jovial mask. As long as she appeared cheerful, no one looked at her with disappointment.

Emotion was weakness. A weakness to be avoided at all costs. So he trained himself from an early age. Never feel sorrow. Never feel hurt. Never feel tenderness. And if by some chance he did feel something, to never show it. Emotion was a tool for others. A way for them to control him, to hurt him, to use him. The only emotions he would ever show were false ones. Most thought he could not lie, but he lied every time he gave a breathy laugh at their jokes, every time he smiled, every time he pretended anger to make them leave him be. A way to be left out of their plans so he could be alone. Because he learned early in life that emotion was weakness.

_**I watched you die I heard you cry every night in your sleep**_

_**I was so young You should have known better than to lean on me**_

_**You never thought of anyone else You just saw your pain**_

_**And now I cry in the middle of the night For the same damn thing**_

She didn't understand. Why did she always let him in? She let him see her, the real her. The tears, the anger, the hurt. She allowed him to witness it all. She would smile for the other three, just as she did for the rest of the world. She kept them at arms length, never allowing them to know the true her. But he knew. Because she let him. Maybe because he let her see him. Because he had shown her his pain. Because he had the same tears on his pillow that she had dampening hers.

He didn't understand. Why did he let her see his true self? What drew him to her? What made him open up to her? Was it because he recognized the mask she wore for the others? The same mask he had spent his life wearing? Even on his darkest days he allowed her near. He kept all others pushed away. He never allowed anyone close, except her. She was welcomed. He showed her his fear, his sorrow, his pain. She acknowledged it. She did not run from it. She only came closer.

_**Because of you**_

_**Because of you**_

None of the others ever understood. They saw two polar opposites. They placed bets on when it would end. They couldn't comprehend that the relationship was feasible. Because they didn't see. They had no idea. He was her strength. She was his refuge. A lifetime of hiding their pain had enabled them to see the other's sorrows and connect with each other. He knew how to make her happy, because he knew the hurt she felt. She knew what would give him comfort, because she felt the same pain he did. Together they were whole. They found a way past their fears because of one another. For one another.


End file.
